You want me to write about us. I don’t, won’t, can’t. Even if I did, where would I start? You want me to immortalize our story. Can you tell me how it all began? Because I don’t remember. Even if I did, how can I disclose? You were a man, I was a child. You were married, I was in middle school. Can it get any more uncomfortable? Was there a beginning ever? Or was it always the end? An endless end without an end. You still want me to write about us? I don’t.
What do you want me to tell the world? We never told anyone about us. Does it matter now after all these years? I was always afraid of losing my mind then. What we had was immoral, wasn’t it? (At least to the others it would have been had they known.) If I write all this, will you be happy? I doubt it. And I don’t want to hurt us. Eighteen years in the making and still counting. We’ve come quite far. Friendship? Love? Will there ever be a name to what we share? I don’t care now and you never did. I’ve been enough for you. Do you still want me to write about us? I won’t.
Your marriage is older than our shared history, you know. Your son is as old as our first big quarrel. We don’t even have an anniversary! But you’ve been enough for me. How many hours and how many minutes have we lived together? I feel always. At least in my memories. Believe me; I’d rather live in my fantasies. I’m so much bolder there. We’ve a house in the middle of a forest. There’s a lake beside which we make love when the sun stoops to kiss the horizon. There is no one to interrupt us. You don’t go to work. We don’t eat. We just bask in the glory of our mutual emotions. We count the stars and I teach you the constellations. Fireflies light our nights. Should I really write down this trivia? I can’t.
But I appreciate your request nonetheless. You want me to immortalize us so that even when we will never be together, somewhere we’ll still meet. Is it really that important for you? We’ve been enough for each other thus far, I’m sure we’ll be for ages to come. You want me to write about us. I don’t, won’t, can’t.